Signs of a Bad Therapist
Signs of a bad therapist (ie a professional counsellor or psychologist) may not be immediately noticeable. The unpleasant experience may start off as a slight feeling of discomfort. Perhaps you’ve got a nagging suspicion that something is a little “off” in your therapy sessions, but are unable to pinpoint exactly what it is. Others may be very clear about the cause of their discomfort, but wonder if it is a normal experience in therapy that they just aren’t used to.
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Maybe you’re curious about what the signs of a bad therapist are, because of all the bad therapist stories you’ve heard from family, friends, or colleagues. Given that the experience in a counselling session differs from individual to individual, coupled with the confidential nature of therapy sessions, it can be hard to compare across different therapists.
There are, however, some basic do’s and don’ts in therapy that are set out by ethical guidelines and formal training programmes. These are foundational competencies that all (good) therapists are aware of and adhere to. This article highlights several red flags regarding how to spot a bad therapist, some more serious than others. Should you experience any of these in therapy, you may consider discussing it with your therapist. Alternatively, you may raise the issue to the organisation or the relevant licensing board in your country.
How to Spot Signs of a Bad Therapist
Here are some ways to spot signs of a bad therapist:
A bad therapist dismisses your experiences.
Your therapist should not be making statements like “you should not be complaining about that”, “it’s not a big deal” or “there are others going through much worse than you”. Therapy is about your experiences, not the experiences of others elsewhere. Even if others are going through “worse”, your experiences and feelings are absolutely valid. If you feel angry, you feel angry. A good therapist will acknowledge your unique experience and feelings.
A bad therapist tells you what to do, by prescribing unsolicited advice or solutions.
Contrary to popular belief, therapists do not provide advice or solutions. Rather, a therapist hears you out and works with you to identify insights and possibilities that you deem best for you given your situation. A therapist should also help you identify your strengths that could be helpful in arriving at your own resolution. You should not be hearing your therapist say, “Quit your job if it’s making you unhappy”, “Just move if you don’t like your neighbours”, or “You should try golf. If it worked for me, it will work for you”. Every situation elicits different considerations for each individual. Providing unsolicited advice or solutions not just disempowers clients and dismisses each client’s unique experience; it presumes that the therapist knows a client’s life better than the client themselves.
A bad therapist is distracted and does not listen to you.
Your therapist should be solely focused on you, and genuinely interested in what you have to say. This is different from having a chat with a friend in a café, where multiple distractions are to be expected. Therapists using the video chat function for online counselling have a duty to ensure that they conduct the session from a location that is private and free from distractions. Your therapist should also not be texting, picking up calls, or multitasking on their laptop as you are speaking. Feeling listened to is a core foundation of therapy.
A bad therapist judges you by their own personal religious, spiritual, political, or cultural beliefs.
Therapy is about you, and how you are coping in relation to your own values and beliefs. A therapist should not impose their own beliefs on you. Doing so insinuates that the therapist’s values and beliefs are superior to yours in some way. Take for instance, a therapist whose religious values state that divorce is wrong. If a client is contemplating divorce, the therapist should find out more about the client’s situation and their thoughts and beliefs regarding divorce. What a therapist should not be saying is, “Of course you shouldn’t get a divorce. Divorce is wrong!”. Neither should the therapist imply this during the counselling session.
A bad therapist breaks confidentiality without a valid reason.
A therapist may sometimes be obligated to break confidentiality when there is risk of harm to yourself or to someone else. In some instances, certain information from counselling sessions is required for legal purposes, such as in the case of court-mandated counselling. However, a therapist should not be chatting with their friends about you over dinner, or posting about your session on social media. A red flag to watch out for is if a therapist shares personal information about other clients with you. Such information could include their names, background information, and their experiences in therapy. If your therapist does this, how can you be assured that your personal information is not being shared with other clients?
A bad therapist demands that you book many sessions.
A therapist’s goal is to stop seeing you eventually. While one session is often insufficient for long-term change, a therapist should not demand that you book multiple sessions with them. Even if you wish to continue with therapy, it should be a decision you arrive at on your own. Keep in mind that you always have the choice to switch therapists, or to pause therapy when you need to. You should not feel obligated to agree with what your therapist is insisting on.
A bad therapist explains concepts in an overly complicated manner.
Therapists would have had extensive training and exposure to various therapeutic concepts and approaches. That doesn’t mean, however, that they should show off their knowledge using jargon and academic terms. The point of therapy is to help you. Any concepts that are explained by the therapist should thus be expressed in simple everyday language that is comprehensible to clients. If a therapist believes that explaining a particular concept would be beneficial for the client, it is the therapist’s duty to also check in with the client after introducing the concept, to see if they have understood it.
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